This is THE LIST. There are no exceptions, there are no arguments. This list has been cosigned by all at IntellectualNebula.com and there’s just no debate. Some may say that this list is meant to insight a riot. Some may say that this list should be banned from Social Media. Some may even say that this list is the greatest list to ever be published.
That’s for you to decide and comment below.
Like the fucking blog damn it.
Anyways, let’s start by those who were considered and immediately thrown out. These are the overrated Christmas Movie Rejects:
- A Christmas Story
- Die Hard
- Anything on the Hallmark Channel
A Christmas Story
This is a fact. A Christmas Story is something that someone decided to shove down your throat on Christmas and it’s the WORST. 24 hours of this movie? Are you crazy? The people who choose to spend their entire Christmas day with this movie on in the background are psychos. Literally they should monitor which houses have it on for more than three iterations and then come knock on your door and haul you away to be evaluated. I mean there’s nostalgia there for some, sure… but this is crazy, and someone needs to stand up and take a stand. That person is going to be me. TBD – hear this message: We are woke now as a society and want some variety on Christmas, knock it off!
All the Die Hard hardos that are ready to gear up the second they saw the movie listed need to chill. Go bro out somewhere for a little and calm down. The fact that the move made the list means that I do believe it’s a Christmas movie. On the flip side, there’s no way it should be in anyone’s top 5, let alone top 10. Just because you feel connected to the other broskies who like to watch it and you were allowed to get away with saying “yippee-ki-yay motherfucker” as a thirteen-year-old on Christmas, doesn’t make it great. Let go of your middle-school angst. There are other ways to get under your mom’s skin and get your dad to crack a smile.
If anyone thinks any movie from the Hallmark deserves to be in the top five, you need to take a look at the five cats you have in your house and understand that you are living that life. If that’s the life you want to live, more power to you, but for me and America, we know we deserve better. Those movies serve a purpose. The purpose is to warm the soul of those who want to get deep inside their feelings for the holidays. That’s it. There’s no universal appeal here, so don’t even try to make the argument.
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s look at three movies that were considered, but did not make the cut.
- The Holiday
- The Muppet Christmas Carol
- Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas
There’s not much to say here, except that these three movies are great and if this was a top ten list, they would be on it. But it’s not, this is a top five list and they just don’t make the cut. If you’re a huge fan of one of these movies and think it should be in the top ten, then I think that maybe you have the COVID.
Now for the list!
#5 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Here’s the thing, we all had that moment when we felt like misfits. This movie captures everything Christmas should be about and also has the element of danger. If you weren’t scared of The Bumble snow monster in this movie, you’re a liar. This is number five and it’s a solid start to an undeniable lineup.
#4 Home Alone 1 & 2
Both of these movies are laugh out loud funny. There’s adult humor, there’s kid humor and there’s that classic Christmas message. Plus, everyone has dreamed of being left alone to do whatever you want. That’s a parent’s dream; let alone the dream of kid. These movies are easily on the list and I could hear an argument to get them higher. Also, I know I included them, and it’s two movies. You can fuck off though, because it’s my list and I do what I want. Also, there’s no way you could pick the better of the two, they are both equally awesome.
Elf is easily the most quotable Christmas movie. It certainly gives you more options than Die Hard, and it’s good for everyone to watch. If you don’t get goosebumps at the end of the movie when everyone starts singing you definitely don’t have a soul and are probably a south pole elf. To those that say this movie sucks, I have something that I would like to say to you. Go be “edgy” somewhere else and drink you weird ass IPA beer and sniff your own farts.
#2 The Christmas Tree Train (Buttons and Rusty)
Some may point out that this is less than 25 minutes long and doesn’t constitute as a movie. Those of you probably don’t have kids. Those of you may not have seen this. Because you are wrong on all accounts. This is an awesome movie / special and is perfect to get in something before bedtime and get everyone in the Christmas spirit and then in bed. Some of these movies like Polar Express are almost two hours long. By the time you set it up, watch it, then do pajamas, brushing your teeth and bedtime, it’s almost 9pm. This one is quick and one of the most wholesome Christmas specials / movies around. If you don’t think so, then you haven’t seen it. Here's a link: Buttons and Rusty forever.
#1 A Charlie Brown Christmas
If this isn’t your number one, then you don’t like Christmas. The song itself is iconic. Snoopy is the best and if you have not ever felt like Charlie Brown in this movie you should consider yourself lucky. This movie is Christmas. This movie takes the cake. It’s not even a competition. Say what you want about five through two, but this is the number one Christmas movie. I shouldn’t have to explain why.
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