Buckle up. This one is a long one and I’m not sorry.
October 16th, 2019.
That was the last blog I wrote. Which, looking at the date today, is almost exactly 6 months ago. I was editing the website and was excited to get back into writing; but felt I should address my absence. Six months is a long time to take off, especially if I theoretically would like to have a consistent audience.
I started to ask myself: Why?
Why have I taken so much time in between published blogs?
Where have I been?
The truth is, I have a google document with over thirty ideas right now; and two or three that are partially written.
Why not publish them?
If I am being honest: it’s fear. Over the past couple of months, I have been stewing and trying to understand the fear. This way I can address it and move forward. I am not one who is usually crippled by fear, so it was frustrating to see the date of the last blog and realize how long it’s been since I have published something.
Especially since, in my opinion, I started off fairly strong with the website and business last year.
So bear with me as I talk this out here for you to read, and then my hope is, that as I type this sentence at 9:47 am on April 26th, 2020, I will be able to move forward and really find my flow
(future blog on “Flow” and one of my favorite Authors: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi – coming soon – shout out Mount St. Mary’s).
When breaking down the fear in my head, I was able to break it down into three distinct areas that would allow me to tackle it. Those three areas are: Personal, Social and Professional.
Personally, the fear I have is probably the hardest to write about. There’s some insecurity as anyone would have, but that’s normal and I usually push through those feelings. The real roadblock for me has been staying consistent with the core values I have and holding myself accountable to them. I pride myself on is being transparent and honest, which is probably the foundation of my core values.
Personal Transparency & Honesty
I get it, the majority of the 2 or 3 people that may take the time to read these blogs are probably close friends and family. In the off chance someone is reading these blogs and doesn’t know me well, I want to make sure the picture I am painting is real. In reality, there are going to be many blogs (there already are), where I cast sarcastic judgement against others (both individuals and groups). Personally – I want to make it clear that I do not see myself as better than others. More intelligent? Sometimes *wink* But, I truly do not hold myself on a pedestal. I have many faults and struggles just like anyone else and Intellectual Nebula is more a fun brand than a complete commentary on myself as a person.
As I continue to blog, you can expect the same witty social commentary and satirical blogs. But, I want to prepare you for a more real, honest and transparent experience as well. My hope for anyone reading these blogs is that they get something from them. Whether it’s a smile out of amusement, a sense of motivation, or a feeling like you are not alone. Because, many people have similar experiences, feelings and struggles. I have plenty of them and plan to dive into them in different levels of depth, which can prove to be therapeutic to me (selfishly), but hopefully the audience will also find value in them.
Some struggles I have conquered. Struggles like: finding a career that is both lucrative and rewarding, or learning how to receive and embrace constructive criticism. Other struggles are ongoing. Such as body positivity, my relationship with food and recovering from an eating disorder. Or, like dealing with my own mind and the way it instinctively operates, with periods of depression and bouts of impatience.
That’s heavy right?
But, what I have really picked up on over the past few months, is how beneficial it can be to others who may be going through the same things; for them to hear and know they aren’t alone. Personally, my feeling is that if I am transparent in some of the struggles I am working on, it will alleviate the fear of not being true to myself.
It’s now 10:15 am on April 26th, 2020 and I feel empowered and excited that I was able to convey those feelings. Empowered, because I am no longer letting them stop me from doing something I want to do and excited to continue to talk about those topics in future blogs in the hope that it will help me in my journey and hopefully help others too.
If I am being honest, this is probably the one that bothers me the least. I am my own worst critic and I will always operate on the thought that: if I like it, I will post it (even if it get’s zero ‘likes’). Because, ultimately, I have learned that you cannot judge your own self worth based on the feedback from the social media masses.
We saw where that got Commodus in The Gladiator (He also MANY other issues, but I liked the MEME so chill.)
Point being, we cannot hold our value in the likes that we get on social media platforms. Perfect example is this blog. Maybe no one will read it, let alone like it. But, it was definitely therapeutic to write it, so what do I care?
My fear is this:
I do not want this blog, or any of my social media posts to be a feeding ground for hate and divisive language.
I’ve seen people, waiting in the tall grass like lions stalking prey, ready to either tear someone to pieces or drop hyperbolic knowledge without any regard for the target audience or sense of decorum. I am all for inspiring a thoughtful debate or discussion, but it MUST BE THOUGHTFUL and OPEN MINDED. The proverb of the overflowing cup has many versions.
I want to remind everyone there is no point in having a thoughtful debate or discussion if your mind is already made up. Then it becomes a lecture, and that is something I cannot have on my pages. So, should you choose to be a fan, please understand I will be moderating comments on my pages and sites. I will not be censoring witty sarcasm or punny things. But, I will stop misinformation and senseless berating. There are plenty of other pages where people can engage in those activities.
As I have stated earlier, I am just now (over the past two years), coming out of my struggle to find a career that is both rewarding and lucrative. By rewarding, I mean a job / field that is something I enjoy, is intellectually (ha!) stimulating, challenging and not filled with constant stress and anxiety. Before finding this career path it took grinding through the following jobs (listed below) and earning two masters degrees (which came with student debt I will be paying off for a while). By lucrative, I mean a lower sense of anxiety every time I pay my families bills each month and our road map in regard to our debt to income ratio. To me finances are private so if I do discuss those things in the future it will be in general terms. But, if you’re reading this and want to know more specifically if you are struggling or want to talk through your own career trajectory, just reach out to me privately. I have no problem helping and being a resource to those in need!
Jobs listed in chronological order:
2009: Moving Truck
2009 – 2010: Telemarketing
2010 – 2010: Home Depot
2010 – 2011: Waiting Tables
2011 – 2013: Accounts Receivable
2013 – 2018: HR Technology
2018 + IT Governance and Strategy
The list shows that there is never instant success, and in no way am I done progressing in my career. But, for the first time in my life, I feel like I am at home in my role and confident in my abilities and ready for any opportunity that comes my way. My strengths are all highlighted evenly, and I have select skills that I am deficient in that I am able to work on, without constantly feeling stressed out.
The other important thing to point out is this:
I would not be where I am at today without the trials, lessons and experience in all my previous jobs (including waiting tables).
If I have learned anything, and what I try to do (not successfully all the time) it’s this:
Stop constantly looking to the future, or dwelling in the successes of the past, but ENJOY the present while being MINDFUL of the future and APPRECIATIVE of the past.
So where’s the fear?
The fear is losing career stability due to something I write on here, something someone infers from my writing or something someone says on one of my pages. I love posting funny things on my Instagram story, but have resorted to posting some only to a private story just made up of people I trust like friends from college and high school and family, so no one takes something out of context. I would hate to ruin my career that way, which is why I will be taking extensive measure to ensure the topics and conversations that this site and blog invoke remain productive and funny; not destructive and inappropriate. While I don’t care about the social media mob, if they start to care about you and have a slightly valid argument (even if out of context), the mob can ruin lives and reputations.
I feel better now, don’t you?
OK… ok… That was a tremendous amount of information, let me bring this thing home.
Where do I go from here?
In short, I am still heading in the same direction I was going, but now I can move forward knowing that I am being transparent with my journey and can share it with all those who choose to follow it. I want to make sure that I am not making my audience feel like I am in some ways better than them, even though it may seem that way – trust me, it’s sarcastic and really ‘tongue in cheek’.
I will continue to share my thoughts and opinions. But, there will be some serious pieces that are contributed to the “I am Mike Urgo” page; along with the continued witty and sarcastic social commentaries and creative photos and videos. I hope you appreciate the transparency and I hope you continue to enjoy following this journey through the blogs, photos and videos on the website.
If you like what you see, and you haven’t already, give my social media sites (Facebook, Instagram and Twitter) a like (not to make me feel good (it will), but to help grow the business): @IntellectNebula and subscribe to and like the videos on my YouTube channel:
So that’s the truth.
If you didn’t like it, I’m sorry for wasting your time…
No I’m not.