I have been waiting for this day all year. With everything going on in the world, I needed a day just meant to glorify me… a MAN. ‘What is International Men’s Day?’ you may be asking…
Well, let me help you out.
“Why is International Men's Day celebrated?
The main objectives of celebrating an International Men's Day include, focusing on men's and boys' health, improving gender relations, promoting gender equality, and highlighting male role models. The broader and ultimate aim of the event is to promote basic humanitarian values.”
This to be honest is downright bullshit.
Here’s the real definition of International Men’s Day that I just made up:
“The main objectives of celebrating an International Men’s Day include, focusing on jokes that include at least one bodily function, improving relationships with an alcoholic beverage of choice and red meat, and highlighting whatever sporting event is on TV. The broader and ultimate aim of the event is to promote needless conversations and allow for satirical blogs such as this.” ~ DaLEO
Now that we have the actual definition out of the way, what are you going to be doing today to celebrate? Let me know in the comments!
Me? I am going to be doing everything a stereotypical American man does.
Here are some of the ideas I have been thinking about:
I am going to do is make sure I leave the toilet seat up every time I use the bathroom today. Then when one of my kids falls in or complains, I will be sure to laugh about it in their face. During work today, I am going to be sure to let everyone know in every meeting how important I am and how stupid everyone else is. This is the type of dominant behavior that is needed on International Men’s Day. I also plan on lifting weights and posting about it on social media to ensure everyone woman knows how jacked I am. That’s all women care about, we all know that. My wife? She wants me to do it, so all the other women will be jealous of how much of a man I am.
I also make sure to check off the boxes of what the new age man is doing, so that I can be sure to stay lit and do things that slap. So, watch your inboxes because you are going to be getting nudes and I am going to be asking for nudes. That’s just the way things are now in 2020. People just send naked pictures to each other. Then I am going to make up my own sweet dance routine and post it to my TikTok. These young guys think they got swag, nothing can compare to me dancing through the decades (view at your own risk).
Finally, I plan on getting black outdrunk. Why? What else is more manly then getting so drunk you don’t remember anything. Then you can basically do whatever you want! Shit. I may even piss myself, what’s more manly than that? Either way, I am excited to show everyone just how much of a real man I am today.
I look forward to my steak dinner tonight and all the unsolicited nudes that will be sent back and forth today on International Men’s Day.