There must be something about me that makes people want to share things or just engage in conversation with me. It doesn’t matter if I am waiting in line at the grocery store, eating at a restaurant, or in the airport. People just tend to want to talk with me and when they do, usually share some things that I personally would never share with a stranger. Over the years I have enjoyed having these conversations and then using them as material when talking with friends.
Now, I want to bring it to you. The conversation I am about to recount is 100% how it went down, but I have changed a few minor details to protect their identity.
So, my truck just hit five years old, two years to me and I am taking the time over the holiday break to get some of the five-year maintenance done. The first thing on the list was new tires, which I like getting done at Sam’s Club, because they have good prices, a good warranty, and it’s nice to walk around there for an hour rather than sitting in some waiting room. The only thing Sam’s doesn’t do by me is alignments. So, I scheduled the new tires first thing in the morning and then an alignment at a tire store by my house afterwards.
The alignment doesn’t take too long, so I got some shopping down next door and then sat in the waiting room while I waited for them to finish. There were two guys at the front desk, one was tall and very slender, looked to be in his late fifties / early sixties.
He was just staring at me.
This is usually how it starts. I can feel their eyes on me, as I am just trying to surf my phone until my truck is ready. But I felt that stare coming in and knew I had to look up. Before I could even make eye contact, he blurted out:
“I solo sailed across both oceans.”
Well, I don’t know about you, but now he has my attention.
Note: This is where I must come clean. It’s true that these conversations happen to me all the time, and I truly don’t know how or why people gravitate to me. I do, however, know why the conversations continue and don’t stop. I can’t help myself. I will always respond with ‘No way!’ Or ‘Wow, that’s incredible’ and then typically ask another question. As you can imagine, once the train has left the station, there’s no stopping it.
So, keep in mind, I think this is just some old white dude working as a front desk at a tire shop. Over the next twenty minutes this guy proceeds to tell me his life story. Starting in ‘89 and ‘90 when he solo sailed across the Mid-Atlantic and then the Pacific. According to him he did the Atlantic in 10 weeks after “partying his ass off” in Bermuda. Then, he crossed the Pacific in 9 weeks, but crossing the Pacific was more difficult because the wind wasn’t as consistent.
I had so many questions. I am always scared of being rude and asking too many questions as if I don’t believe someone. I didn’t.
Then he went on to tell me in ‘91 he had enlisted in the Coast Guard and had been in for over twenty years, has seven kids, in his second marriage, and lives on a farm. After this he paused, and I am dialed in, but also a little intimidated by his intense eye contact. It was definitely a lot to take in at once. He smiled and said:
“I am also an accomplished downhill skier… I also have a condition in my brain that makes it swell and I am on the spectrum.”
Well. Ok. So now, I don’t believe any of this is true, but I am just talking to someone who’s high-functioning and am down to just listening to his stories.
And boy, we weren’t even close to being done.
Not missing a beat, he starts to tell me that he has got his car, a Volvo, out in the parking lot and had it up over 180 mph. To which, I commented on how that can be dangerous. He agreed. But he pointed out the damage on the front of the car, because he ‘refuses to swerve for animals. I turned around and sure as shit, there was a silver Volvo in the lot that had clearly smoked a deer. He seemed fairly proud that he had hit over fifteen deer in his lifetime due to this dedication to not swerve out of the way. I am not sure his insurance company would appreciate this methodology, but who am I to judge.
He confirms he has just turned 60 and needs to start calming down. So, rather than continuing to ski, he is focusing on taking lessons to learn how to fly a helicopter. I asked if he had ever flown a plane before, which I knew was a dumb question, because of course he has. He also had very strong feelings about how much safer it is to fly a helicopter over a fixed wing plane. You may be reading this wondering how I am able to remember all of this. Well, after the initial claim of solo sailing, you bet your ass that I opened my notes app and was diligently taking notes this whole time.
Now, he did earn his associate’s degree in criminal justice after his service, but life got in the way from doing anything with it. The only thing he did that was close to using the degree was working as a bounty hunter for ‘a while’. Unfortunately, the owner was embezzling money and the company went under. He did add that his lover for law enforcement work came when he was a ‘pursuit driver’ for the Coast Guard in the Caribbean for seven years.
At this point, I am not sure if I want my truck to be done on time. Just as I am thinking this, the other guy at the front looks like he nods off for a second. When he came to, he exclaimed that he was feeling very lightheaded and may have just passed out. You can’t make this stuff up. So, my new best friend paused, and we made sure he was ok and he went to the back to sit down.
Before I could even consider that our conversation was over, he jumped right back into it. Letting me know that his first big rescue was during the Perfect Storm of ‘91. You know, the one that the movie was based off?
Sure man, sure. Now I know he’s bullshitting and I have stopped asking questions, because I don’t want to be rude. He went on to tell me that also while in the Coast Guard he and some other guys would put Visine in people’s coffee to cause them to shit themselves. Ok. Come on bro. We have all seen Wedding Crashers. The kicker? According to him, when they got caught, they are the reason the ingredient got removed from Visine. This is when I started to get sad, because that is simply not true.
I don’t know why, but when these things happen, I always want the story to be true. It’s amazing to me how many people just make up stories. Maybe I would have more content to write about if I committed to that. Anyways, just as he was starting to tell me about passing out (topical) at a chain of command event, my truck was finished.
I thanked him for his time and said I enjoyed our conversation. I asked him his name, and he pointed to his business card on the counter. This mother fucker was the store manager. He wasn’t some front desk guy. I smiled and headed out to my truck. My mind was racing. Was he telling the truth about some of these things?
Maybe he was in the coast guard, maybe he did sail across the ocean!
Well, the internet remains undefeated and I will say this. The dude was 100% in the Coast Guard and it seems like he WAS awarded a Medal of Honor for his actions during the perfect storm in 1991. Now, maybe the Visine story and some others were hyperbolized for effect, but I would like to believe that today, at a random tire store, I just spent about 30 minutes with real life Forrest Gump.
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