Author: Mike Urgo
Sometimes ideas for episodes come to me during experiences or things that happen in my everyday life and other times they come to me late at night when I am trying to get my brain to shut down. This is one of those ideas. In my new role I am constantly focused on supporting my clients in a way where I ensure that they are receiving value from our services. So I was up at night, thinking about value. And I was thinking about the difference in expensive things. My wife needs a new laptop and previously she had had a chrome book, which was fine, but could only do what a $300 computer could do. It can’t game, or run robust applications, it can surf the web and that’s about it. On top of that it’s essentially impossible to use after three years of use.
Regarding value, I know what she wants to do online, what games she likes to play and some of the graphic design stuff she has been doing for her classroom. To get the job done, there are certain specs that we need in a laptop and a certain cost band associated with those specs. So, for me, logically it makes sense to spend the money to purchase the computer she needs. It’s also easy to see why one computer costs more than another computer. There’s higher processing speed, more memory, bigger screen, etc.
I started to think, what about value propositions that don’t make sense. My youngest daughter’s birthday is coming up and she desperately wants one of these Labubus. If you don’t know what they are, they are this blind bag plush doll that has limited releases from China. On paper, I am thinking, no way am I trying to spend $50+ on the secondary market to try and get one of these things, because it retails for $17 and that’s insane. But then, when thinking about value, and what she wants on her birthday, if it’s within our budget, who am I to tell her no?
I think that’s where we get in trouble sometimes. We try and project what we value onto others and in turn can strain relationships and miss opportunities.
Some relationships are so easy, you feel like it would be impossible to not be on the same page with someone. You know that friend, where it could be a week or it could be years, and when you are finally able to connect, it’s as if no time has passed at all. Those relationships are usually built on years of shared experiences and a true understanding of each other. Specifically, what each person values.
Value is a word that is used often in business and technology. There are even algorithms dedicated to help calculate value.
But what IS value?
The knee jerk response is to find a relevant dollar figure.
While I think money is often a piece of the equation, if that is the conclusion you are drawing when connecting with people, I don’t think you will ever make it past a certain level of connection.
Here’s an easy example:
Let’s say you are talking to one of your high-performance employees and they are concerned about getting a raise. I would say most of us would ask what their internal motivation is and usually the answer is: I want more money. But how many of us attempt to dig down to the root cause. Remember the five whys from Episode 31? If you leave that conversation as it is as a manager, the only thing you really know about this employee is that they do a great job and want a raise for more money.
But, if you start to ask questions and try to find what they value, you will probably find out more about the employee and what means most to them. I was talking to someone I worked with years ago and they felt frustrated because they believed they were worth more than they were being paid. They wanted more money, but it was because they valued how they were compensated based on the general market for their position. Talking to them further, I also began to understand that they felt bored in their existing work and were looking to do something different and more interesting. They also wanted to travel and attend more professional events.
I looked at them and said: it doesn’t sound like you want more money. It sounds like you want a new job. A new job that pays more, but more importantly, is in an industry that excites you and includes travel and interfacing with more external resources at corporate events. I told them that while a decision like this shouldn’t be made lightly, and they should not quit until they find a new job, it made no sense for them to stay at their current employer if the things they valued weren’t being met. I could tell this meant the world to them, because the other leaders they had talked to had stayed at the surface level. They had given them feedback like:
- Just wait until the next performance cycle, you will probably get a raise.
- Try putting in more effort to prove your worth.
- Part of getting paid more is just having to put in more time.
That advice is shit.
All advice like that does is demotivate people and tells them that they aren’t really valued as a person, but rather just a means to an end in your corporate machine. People want to feel valued, and they want you to know what they value to feel understood.
So how do we as leaders do that?
I think it first starts with active listening. I have to catch myself at times when I am entering into a conversation because I am a planner. Having prepared for a meeting or conversation, sometimes I can start to draw conclusions on how things are going to go or what someone is going to say. This is not good practice, because rather than actively listening, I am focused on my response or looking for my perceived outcome.
By active listening without any preconceived notions (as best you can) it will not only be easier for you to focus on what the person is saying and any value they are describing but also show them that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. If someone doesn’t think you genuinely care, they are going to keep their cards close to the vest and will probably not be forthcoming on their value.
The best thing to do while actively listening? Ask qualifying questions. It shows you are listening, it shows you care about what they are saying and that you want to know more. The questions can’t be simple and unthoughtful either. You can’t just keep saying ‘Why?’. But, back to the previous example, if an employee says: ‘I feel like I deserve more money’, asking questions like:
Are you feeling undervalued?
Do you feel like you are doing more than what was originally described in the job description?
Are you looking for more responsibility?
Those questions would help you dig further down into the root cause and get to a “why”, better than just asking why.
Finally, it’s best practice to illustrate your understanding by framing it back to the person. Make sure you are including from your understanding what they are asking for and why. The why is the value. Once you are able to be on the same page with someone’s value, you will not only be able to grow your relationship, but also not have to worry about misunderstanding their needs.
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