Author: Mike Urgo
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
This statement has been imparted to me since I was a young child. My uncle was constantly saying it, almost to the point where I would start to wonder if anything would phase him. I was doing some reflection this week on the workplace and just how stressed so many people seem to be. I think this message often gets lost, and I am just as guilty. In some sense, I think the “small stuff” gets the wrong end of the stick.
I think right now in the world there is a lot of “big stuff” that is out of our control. Therefore, when something small goes wrong, it’s easy to take out all our frustration on it as a means of blowing off some steam. In the moment it feels right. Like when I was driving to work yesterday and got stuck behind some box truck going 10mph under the speed limit for 15 miles, which made me arrive 3 minutes later than I had planned. At about mile 5 I could feel my temperature rising. I stopped listening to the podcast I had on and was in full internal conversation mode.
Ultimately, I was able to calm myself down.
Really?!? (I thought to myself) Am I really getting this worked up over a 3-minute delay? I wasn’t at risk of being late, and even if I was, I have Webex on my phone and could dial into a call if need be.
Why am I wasting my energy in this situation?
I then started to really ask why to get to a root cause. Maybe it’s because we are days away from having both kids in middle school and with my wife and I both working full-time for the first time in over 10 years. Maybe it’s because the world news weighs on me at times. Maybe it’s due to other challenges in my life that have nothing to do with a box truck going 45 in a 55 on a Tuesday morning.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. But what about the big stuff?
I had a positive experience in therapy years ago where I was explaining some of the things I was working through in my life. Many of them were out of my control, while some of them were. The problem was, I was neglecting the things in my control, because I was spending so much time worrying about what was out of my control. Then I would get frustrated at myself for letting things in my control slip.
That’s when I would take out my frustration on smaller things.
The first step for me was to accept that some things are just out of our control. For me, that is one of the hardest things to do. I see myself as a solver and I see myself as very good at being a solver. So, when things happen that are outside of my control, it can drive me insane. Ultimately, I need to be very intentional when it comes to recognizing what the reality of a situation is.
The second step is to be self-aware. When I am in my car upset with the truck in front of me, I am not really having an impact on anyone else but myself. But, if I am at work or on calls and something small is impacting my demeanor, that is when small things can really have a negative impact on your career and as a leader. It’s important to be self-aware and recognize if something is impacting your day. I have found that when appropriate, it’s important to call things out to your team. Not only will it help bring you back down, it will also let people know something is going on and give them an opportunity to give you grace.
When leading a team, I think that’s the best example you can give. We all have bad days or things going on in our lives. There’s no need to even get into specifics, but something as simple as letting the team know you are going through some stuff, so if you’re not coming across as yourself or there’s a perceived lack of patience, that is why. In order to do this, it requires self-awareness.
Lastly, I think it’s important to remind yourself that your energy has value. It’s not valuable to waste energy on things that don’t deserve it. I think the more intentional you can be with the energy you spend the better. I once worked with an employee who constantly chewed gum. They weren’t obnoxiously loud when chewing, but they weren’t quiet (if that makes sense). It didn’t bother me, but it drove my boss insane. It drove him so insane that he couldn’t hear anything the employee was saying because he was so hyper focused on his gum chewing.
The reality was, my boss at the time was so stressed with what was on his plate, it was as if all of that frustration was being taken out on this employee for chewing gum. I felt bad, because part of his point was valid, you shouldn’t be chomping on gum when meeting with an executive. On the other hand, as a leader, the amount of time and energy he spent opining on his gum chewing was crazy.
It boils down to accountability. Accept that things are out of your control and be aware of when you’re starting to get emotionally hijacked. Recognize that the energy you are spending is being wasted and could be put to better use on things within your control that have a higher value of return.
So, remember, don’t sweat the small stuff. It will help you with your own sanity, it will help those around you, and it will set an example as a leader.
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