Author: Mike Urgo
It can be described as the hair standing up on the back of your neck, or as the kids are saying now as a “vibe check”, but more often than not, it’s described as a feeling you feel deep down as a “gut feeling”.
It is my belief that this feeling exists for everyone, and at the same time, NOT exist for everyone.
Let me explain.
Think of your favorite meal. For me, one of my favorite dinners is when we order from our favorite Indian restaurant (no free ads). Their carry out is amazing, and my whole family enjoys it. In the seven years we have lived in this house, we have probably ordered there over twenty times. Every time, we order more food than we need, because we ‘want to make sure we have enough for leftovers’.
Queue the massive eye roll.
As I finish my first plate, even though I know I am full, I still go back for a second and or third plate. Inevitably, I become uncomfortably full and pay for it afterwards. The fact of the matter is, my body communicated to me to stop eating, and I consciously blew through that stop sign and suffered the consequences.
I believe the same can be said for our gut feelings. And much like eating, the more you can train yourself to ignore your gut feeling, the less prominent the feeling is. This can lead to someone feeling like they don’t have a gut feeling. The key is making sure you are not ignoring those feelings. I believe you can even cultivate your gut feeling to make it a resource for you.
The question is: how does one do that?
I have been reflecting on situations when I have followed up my gut. Many times it was “right” and sometimes it was “wrong”. The question to myself is: what do I do that I can control that helps me trust my gut? It came down to three questions that help qualify the feelings I have and prepare me for a course of action. When I think about the times I trusted my gut and was “wrong”, I wasn’t wrong; I was biased.
The first question I need to ask myself when I think I have a gut feeling about something is:
Am I rooted in reality, or am I emotionally invested in this outcome?
Am I being too optimistic or too pessimistic?
Here’s a real-life example most of us can appreciate:
Most of us at one point of time have had to interview for a new job or a promotion. It can be an incredibly stressful and anxiety inducing process. I know for me; this can lead to over analyzing the conversation. So much so that I have spent hours replaying the conversation reviewing body language or phrases for any kind of indication on how the interview went. I know when I am not based in reality when that kind of obsession is happening. I am no longer rooted in reality. I am either looking for something positive to give me reassurance that I did well, or I am beating myself up picking apart an answer that in reality was more than fine.
It’s also important to note that your gut is not in control of external factors. I could have a great gut feeling that an interview went well, but that doesn’t mean I will get the job if there is a more qualified candidate. Sometimes, trusting your gut isn’t focusing on a potential outcome, but more learning to manage your emotions when it comes to a specific scenario.
Which leads me to the second question:
What is the best course of action?
Sticking with the interview or conversation as an example, it can be really tempting to try and reach out to clarify something. But before you do something, the first thing is to be sure your gut feelings are based on reality. So, let’s say the interview or conversation didn’t go well and your gut is telling you that. You have established that you are not being overly pessimistic, the next step is to think about what can help remedy the situation. If it’s an interview and you felt you left some details out after answering a question, maybe a follow-up email would suffice. If it’s a conversation that didn’t go well, maybe checking in on that person and apologizing is necessary.
But, before you do anything, you must stop and ask yourself the third and last question, which is:
What are the pros and cons?
Depending on the scenario, this may have to be done quickly. For instance, I have been in a meeting where I wasn’t sure if I had controlled my body language during a sensitive topic and had a feeling that some of the people on the phone had picked up on it. My gut was screaming to address it in that moment, because I do not like making mistakes. But, as I thought about the best course of action, the cons of saying something in the moment would have been drawing attention to something that some folks on the call didn’t see, or don’t care about in the long run. So, instead, I decided to check in with a couple of folks after the call and see what their perception was.
See, again, it’s keeping yourself rooted in reality, which can be difficult to do alone. It’s important to surround yourself with good leaders, mentors and friends who will build you up but also keep it real. In some instances, I have been told that it was in my head and no one noticed any change in body language, where in other instances, I have gone on a bit of an apology tour to ensure that I hadn’t offended anyone. In almost every instance that reality was far less as damaging as I had made it seem in my head, which is why it’s so important when working to trust your gut to continue to qualify your feelings with trusted relationships.
When I started writing this newsletter and recording the episodes on video, I asked multiple groups of people for feedback. I wanted to make sure I was putting out a product that could be helpful and not something that was going to reflect poorly on me. How would I know if that was the case if I didn’t seek feedback from trusted relationships?
The answer is: I wouldn’t.
Being in tune with and trusting your gut can be an incredibly great asset as you move through life inside and outside the workplace. Like any skill, it is important to intentionally work on honing it and it will only become more trustworthy. Also, like any skill, it takes help from others to make sure it is actually improving. When I coach, I love the cliché that practice doesn’t make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect. I think sometimes people think that means that you can’t make mistakes in practice. That’s not true. What it means is that if you are practicing something the wrong way over and over, all you are doing is reinforcing poor muscle memory.
Instead, you must thoroughly understand what good looks like to practice achieving that goal. Something we are working on in our house is how chores should be done. My twelve-year-old will tell you she knows how to vacuum. The truth is: she does. She can go get the vacuum, plug it in, turn it on and move it around. The problem is, that’s where we had to step in and explain there are ways to vacuum so that the carpet looks nice and there are no missed areas. Now it’s one thing to not know, and another to practice repeatedly once you know. If my daughter doesn’t take her time to try and mimic the process we showed her (she doesn’t), she won’t improve (she hasn’t).
The same thing can be said for trusting your gut. I believe that if you can practice giving your feelings a reality check, intentionally weighing different courses of action as well as the pros and cons, you will find that your gut feeling will be a tremendous resource for you. Finally, it must be said that sometimes your gut will be wrong and that’s ok. As I said, sometimes there are things outside of our control or sometimes our emotions get the best of us. But I also believe that our gut feelings are just like a version of AI, it is are always learning and improving as long as we are in touch with it.
So go ahead, trust your gut!
Have you had any crazy or interesting scenarios where you followed your gut?
Let me know in the comments!
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